It's something I've been intending to do for several years. I love nature. Naaaature. Goulet! Anyway, anytime there is a major transition, I have an itch to get out and just spend a good chunk of time in quiet solitude. Every time that itch came up, however, I've been to busy to scratch. This time, however, I was able to slide a couple things out of the way and make it happen.
So, I packed lots of water and trail mix, Anti-Monkey Butt (a real life saver - I'm not ashamed), kissed the wife and kids goodbye, and drove a brief 45 minutes to Huntsville State Park. I'd dreamed of going to the Davis Mountains. Or, the Guadalupe Mountains. Or, the Hill Country. Unfortunately, I was bound by time and gas money. So, the Sam Houston National Forest provided a suitable alternative.
The specific purpose of this short excursion was to spend some time in prayer; to separate myself literally and figuratively from the things that have been plaguing me recently and purge myself spiritually of some gunk I've been building up.
I arrived at the trail head just before 11 am and started on my way. I elected to follow the CCC Trail, which is basically a trail that hugs the park boundary. It is 8.6 miles or so, but I tacked on an extra 2 for kicks. The hike was intended to be a sort of detox before actually getting into a time of prayer and listening. I decided I'd really challenge myself and traveled a pretty stiff pace with few breaks. I even ran the uphill stints.
It was a strange day, meteorologically speaking. There were thunderstorms everywhere but on top of me. I kept thinking I was going to have to seek shelter at any moment; I never did, though. It was mostly just warm and humid. The trail itself was nice. A bit soggy from the early morning rain, but otherwise easily traversed. It was difficult to really process many thoughts during my 3-hour hike, but I did pray quite a bit for specific things.
As I was finishing the last two miles of the hike, it did start to rain, though not heavily. I returned to my truck and set my backpacking tent up in the bed. I've been many places with this tent - Montana, Colorado, Arkansas, and of course all over Texas. It has definitely seen better days and I decided to retire it after this trip. After getting things ready for bed, I realized it was only 5 in the afternoon. MAN. Time just lingers like a fart in the shower (yeah, you know what I mean...) when you don't have kids, students, tasks, and technology to occupy your mind. I sat down on the picnic table to eat my dinner of a peanut butter sandwich and trail mix. I was just musing over my aloneness when a squirrel joined me. I kid you not.
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The pic is so blurry because she was so close my iphone couldn't zoom out. I debated momentarily the idea of really making this a good trip and cooking the little dude, but I fed him instead. Shortly after that, I had a Cardinal and some finches right next to me. Kel made fun of me when I told her and compared me to a Disney Princess. I was thinking Tarzan...
About that time, the sun was setting over the lake and I got to spend some quality time in thought and prayer. Here's what I came up with:
I am a sucker for my family. I realized how precious and valuable my wife and kids are. Being away from them for just a short time will serve to keep me from taking them for granted.
In regards to the upcoming transitions, I was feeling a little like I did before writing one of the many papers I wrote my last semester at A&M. I could smell the books at Evans Library, stacked ominously before me as I pondered the details of my research. I generally knew what direction I'd be going in shortly after starting research, but I still had to comb through the sources, knowing that the thesis I'd developed would probably change. Similarly, I know generally the direction that the Lord is taking my family, but the details are far from ironed out and they could change at any time.
I realized, I mean REALLY came to grips with a sin issue I've been struggling with the past 4 years. Kelly, as usual, noticed it and lovingly pointed it out, but it wasn't until I really looked at it that I saw the gravity of it. I have been a working fool. Literally. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant with Riley, I let God correct my sin issue of laziness and passivity. I became a hard worker almost overnight. It was a wonderful transformation; one which has benefited us immensely as we grow. Kelly was able to trust me as a husband and father after seeing my work ethic transform. That was a huge blessing to me. However, as we are apt to do, I took what God had done and twisted it into sin. It was hard to notice for a while because my workaholicalism was so necessary and appreciated. Over time, though, I made an idol of work. Not my positions or jobs, per se, rather the concept of hard work. I worked long, hard hours, and hated it. and loved it. At the same time. It was not dissimilar from enjoying the pain of a good work out. You keep pushing, even though its hurts and you know you'll pay for it later. Anyway, I became a slave to that love/hate idolatry of work. I think I used it as a gauge for my success as a man; maybe trying to compensate for what I once was. I don't think I'm alone in that, though. Anyway, I was able to acknowledge that when things got tough or confusing, I would lower my head like a bull in the arena and charge blindly after some form of work. You can imagine how counterproductive that is. I literally took my eyes off the prize, and it wasn't without its consequences. I am grateful that God used Kelly, as He so often does, to correct me. She is truly more valuable than anything I could imagine this side of eternity.
In closing, It was a fruitful trip. I had intended to stay the night, but it was so miserably humid that I just decided to head home. I missed my wife, anyway.
I have to say, though, that it is ridiculous that I needed to "get away" to accomplish this. I'm glad it was only a day, but here's the real lesson: If I had only been a better steward of my prayer time, I would have accomplished everything without leaving my family or routine. I am resolved to adjust my schedule and priorities to ensure that I do not continue charging in any which direction, without regard for God's will, to the detriment of mine and my family's spiritual well-being.
So, I'm looking for input: How do you structure your time to best orient yourself toward Christ on a daily basis?
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